When did you know you were grown?
As a high school teacher, teenagers often told me, “Who are you to tell me what I can't do? - I’m grown Mr. McDermott!”
Years ago a student told me, “I go to parties, that are so grown - you not grown enough to go Mr. McDermott!” I can't imagine what was happening there, but I appreciated the warning. Usually our youth tell adults these things because they want the perceived freedom of adulthood, but without any of the responsibilities.
My daughter Zora, who is 18 and still does not curse in front of me, recently told me, “When do I get treated as an equal?”
She flipped it on me! And I was momentarily perplexed, “Well...ahh...I may not be the best example to follow...but, I was the oldest child of a single mother. For better or worse, I saw myself as the ‘man of the house’ when I was 12 years old. Sometimes I treated Uncle Matt as more than his big brother, I bossed him around like I was his father…let’s just say, as far as you, it's gradual, but you’re never actually equal.” I then told her the story of her older brother's first step toward being grown.
"Our family was all at a restaurant, I believe it was Easy Street on Central, and I asked the server for the check. The server tells me, 'The check was paid already'.”
“What?” I was surprised, “Are you sure?”
Then I noticed my son, at the time in his early-20’s, smiling mischievously. “It was me, I paid it when I went up to the bathroom.”
“'Well done young man, you are now grown!' That’s example shows you are definitely a grown up."
Here’s my top five examples, if you want another perspective checkout the Buzzfeed list,
No Allen Wrench for me!
As a young adult I bought furniture from Saxon's (google it) and later at Ikea. They usually lasted less than five years, required head scratching assembly and all with only one Allen wrench. So, when I bought my first piece of pre-assembled, wooden furniture, and paid to have it delivered, I knew I was grown!
Moving and Painting:
I used to say, “A true friend is someone who shows up to paint your house or move furniture when you buy a new house.” The inducement was usually, “C’mon it will be fun, I’ll order Lou’s Malnati's (pizza) and buy a case of beer for you,” and our other buddies. The day you hire a mover and painter, that’s when you’re grown!
Ouch, my back aches:
When your response to friends who ask for help with their home improvement projects is, “Ah man, I can't because my back pain and knee pain is really bad these days.” In fact the moment you moan each time you sit down or get up as well! Back and knee pain, that’s when you’re grown.
Hostess with the most-ess:
My family gathers on Christmas Eve, more so than Christmas Day. When my cousin hosted for the first time in his late 20’s, he knew he had arrived. It was also his first time roasting a turkey and meat roast for everyone to critique. Of course there were silent critics judging and prodding, to make sure he had his bases covered. But hosting a major family function, that’s when you’re grown.
Stay off my lawn:
It’s such a cliché, I hate to do it, but it’s true. I’ve prodded and slightly adjusted my lawn sprinkler to be perfect, only to have my t-shirt soaked in water by the time it’s perfect. I have a system for cutting the grass horizontally one week, vertically the next and then diagonally the next week. When you do all that work and seek perfection, you get protective. So when you yell at your kids for messing up the lawn, that’s when you’re grown.
Here's the honorable mention:
When you need sleep aides such as CPAP, edibles, wave machines, humidifiers and blackout curtains - just to get a good night of sleep. Your bedroom sounds like Darth Vader having an asthma attack in a tropical rain forest.
When you buy power tools and talk about it with other people. “This power washer is amazing! It has so many uses. Everyone should have one!”
When you start getting socks and underwear as a Christmas gift, and you’re happy to get them!
When you wake up on the weekends, despite not having anywhere to go. “Why can’t I sleep in until 9:00?" But your body says otherwise.
When you take more than one nap on Saturday. I might wake up early, putz around the house, eat a meal, do some chores, then by 11:00 I’m ready for a 20 minute snooze. Then I leave the house for a few hours and return for another nap at 4:00. I can already envision retirement!
When you opt for the larger, more expensive Solo Stove, and then tell your backyard guests each time, “Ya know they say smokeless, and I say it’s worth every penny of the $600 I spent.”
When you tell friends about the new insurance you bought for your home appliances. “You gotta go with the Sears plan, I mean what peace of mind.”
When you misplace items in your house, but insist it’s your children who did it. Whether it’s head phones, the dog’s leash, my favorite water bottle - if I can't find it right away, “It’s those damn kids!”
When you get mad about QR codes for menus and you have to carry your reading glasses wherever you go.
Being obsessed with weather forecasts. “But I checked the app this morning and it never said anything about rain,” as it pours on your Lake Michigan picnic.
Bottom line Zora, it’s an evolution - a process. Do you really want all that comes with being grown? Because if you want all of that now, we can be peers.
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